Recently, I found myself having noted a lot of things which I need to do. But, when I want to come down to it, I forgot what are the things. For these, I can't forgive myself.



My mind seems to be preoccupied with something else which is rubbish! And I am very angry at myself. From this moment, I, DON'T WANT to have anything to do with those rubbish anymore!




This morning, I woke up with a really sweet dream. But, right now, I feel extremely unhappy and, sad. But I won't cry, coz someone told me I have to be brave. Like ugly betty!

I'm very tired and I saw sth tt traumatised me the moment I looked into the mirror. I saw a line forming under my left eye. Oh no! I already had two very obvious panda eyes, and the right one already seems like its becoming swollen, the left one can't do this to me!!! I got enough sleep what although I find it hard to sleep in the afternoon, I think I got enough sleep at night mah.



And I'm awake at 7.45am this morning, cox I need to do up the research tt I've neglected to do for the past 4 days!!! OMG! What happened to me? Did I get my priorities right?



Whatever the case now is, I'm very tired, and I'm gonna go back to sleep till 10 before I need to get up to do research, this time, in the sch lib.



ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I think I'm getting more reliance and sticky to him. This is not a gd thing. Be independent.

Something lighted my day ytd.


Somebody hand-maded me a card.


And surprised me with a bear which I eyed for long time ago.


The card is too precious to be shared and so I shall kept it for myself.


Sweet, is the only word I can say.


:)

I am very busy. I feel very busy. I have to be busy. Everyday, I'd have a list of things to be done, and the time after I got home from school is preoccupied by all these things. Projects are on-going and I'm already suffering. I really LIKE OB, coz everyday it takes up all of my time after school reading and reading OB and I dun even know HOW TO START the project! And I dun seem to have enough time at all! Why do I feel tired? Why can't I have all 24 hours, no need to eat, sleep, watch tv, why? why? why? I'm feeling really lethargic and I need to go tuition in 45 mins time. Worse, I'm having headache cox I dun have enough sleep. And I did a crazy thing.
I'm supposed to return a txbk to school by 9am this morning. I did wake up in time. But I fallen back to sleep. Until 7.45am. So, I reached school at 9.45am. So, there was a fine of $1.50. For such a stingy person like me to rather sleep in and pay the fine then to wake up and go to school to return the book on time, U know how tired I am. Enough of the tiring. I'm gonna be strong and determined like...like a bull!

And I'm so sick and tired of all these. Can't we all live on a small town where everyone is so happy and contented with each other without the comparison? Pple long long long time ago do started to live like tt right?


i miss the moments where i feel safe and calm coz tt someone is by my side with eyes steadily watching over me without interruptions when I was sleeping... R u reading this right now?

School's been very very busy for me. I'm suffocating already, mentally. Not yet physically.
And Jin Ting just wanna do one thing now.







ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm suffering from pre-school opening blues...
I'm starting school next week, but I just realise my I had only one friend with me for one of the courses, worse of all, we had a group assignment. We only had two people, where to find new pple to grp with us? I dun have many friends in school and still this course need us to do project, Group Assignment somemore. I'm beginning to resent this school...............

This entry is SOLELY directed to Mr. SMELLY EGG.



For your information, the places I want to go are as shown below:

1) SCHOOL---Pay school fees and Print my notes! (Priority)
2) ZOO!
3) Watch moviesSSSSS( at the vivo with comfy seats )
4) Sungei Buloh




Because U r the reason for my :( and insomnia, as COMPENSATION, U have to fulfill all the things stated above. U are not allowed to make any bargains, and U have only one week to fulfill all these before my school starts. Hmph. Understand?!?

This is my 2nd entry of the day coz I found something impt to
share...

Do take a moment and read this, its lengthy but it conveys a
simple yet important msg...

This was taken from my frenz's bf's blog where he took it from
his frenz's blog.

"On my wedding day, I carried my wife
in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies
insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our
home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was
the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure
water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money.

When the
assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She
was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at
the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life
seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by
unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a
spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in
her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are
the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of
my wife. When we just married, my wife aid, Men like you, once successful, will
be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew
I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.I moved Dew's hand aside
and said, You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I ve got something to do in the
company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see
with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although
it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to
tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be
deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing
dinner. I was sitting together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to
her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at
me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was
something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she
got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped
out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to
hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She
gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again,
Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I
knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her
hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But
I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious
topic calmly.She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked
me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer
turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a
man!At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give
her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of
guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,
our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with
me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had
said.Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I
came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the
table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned
over and was asleep again.She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want
anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one months time before divorce,
and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and shedidn t
want him to see our marriage was broken.She passed me the agreement she drafted,
and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room
on the wedding day?This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful
memories to me.I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she
continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on
the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me
out from the bedroom to the door every morning.I accepted with a smile. I knew
she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic
form.I told Dew(BITCH) about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly
and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel
uncomfortable.My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So
when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked
over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us
start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.On the
second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so
close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t
looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not
young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.On the third day, she
whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you
pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept
reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be
careful while cooking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I
didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the
everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to
carry you now.She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She
tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because
she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not becauseI was stronger. I
knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.Again, I felt a sense of
pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.Our son came in at
the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.To him, seeing his father
carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid
I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom,through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our
wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She
said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her
tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our lifewas lack of such
intimacy.I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.She looked at me,
astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the
details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child,
I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.Dew
seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed
the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her
favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are
old."

I do hope I could find tt special
someone who would carry me out every morning till we're old. Have I already
found Him?

During school days, everywhere seems so attractive and I had a list of places to chiong aft exam. Now, there's only 1 week left of my hols, then I rmb the places I wanna go, lotsa of things I wanna do.

• Sungei Buloh,
• Night Safari,
• eat Indian Cuisine,
• the chicken rice at the coffeeshop beside United Sq and the one near the supposingly Novena Church
• Watch the stars, sunset,
• watch lotsa movies,
• bake cakes,
• durian puffs,
• meet up my frenz.....I still wanna go ecp and enjoy b4 I sink myself into loads of books again.
  
  

So many things, how to squeeze in one week?
And I need to buy a new ez-link card but I've only got 1o bucks in my wallet which I preserved for so long and didn't wanna touch it. My tuition just resume this week, it'll be long before I can get my pay....I got no money. Its not nice to stick out my hand and ask for $$$ also. Looks like I got to tahan...till then.

I got to print out my notes b4 the school starts also. Tt means I got to go back school and fight over the printer with pple. This school is ridiculous also, no more refreshments, no more printing of notes for us everything no more. What they do? Sit down there collect money.

A very random entry. I know. Tts just me. Hah!

Ytd I'm unhappy. Today I'm happy!
Morning Ah ni ni and I went Wisma to fix her phone. While waiting for the sony svc centre to open, we sat at the Food Republic. Its only when I spotted DIM SUM from Fortunate Restaurant! Immediately I told her I wanna eat the Siew Mai and Har Gao cox I've only got 10 bucks in my wallet. Haha! She needs to reward me for the companion right! So, in the end I get to eat the delicious siew mai and har gao. But I prefer Bao Today's Dim Sum, since their's taste better in my opinion.

Simple things like this can make my day happy:)

Why do I always blog when I'm unhappy. I am feeling really down now. Is there anyway to let things stay the same, even after a long period? I don't like the feeling of uncertainty and always having "Why?", or "Why is that happening?" and "What's the problem?" .

I never had the luxury of having been coaxed. I'va always been left one side whenever I feel down pr angry. People always misunderstood the reason behind my emotions. And I, who had never been expressive enough, was never been able to explain to them.

I never had the luxury of mixing with a big group of frenz. I never thought I had any influence on people. I'm just a passer-by in their life. A forgettable passer-by.
Maybe someone is right. I'm easily influenced by people's comments. And someone said I'd die without tt someone. Well, I'll tell u now I won't die, because I'm used to people leaving me.

I'm having my emo days again. These days have been quite frequent due to...hate it.
When will I stop been so naive and grow up? Those days are over. For good.

I am not happy. It was just wishful thinking on my side. I need a break away from everything.

I do know what I want. I'm not confused, just don't know how to go about solving the it. But I do now. I want to hold on to the things I cherish, I do want to prove sth, can I? I wish, I hope, I can. Keep your place next to me, we'll brave through everything.Together.

My life has been very boring, very very boring... I got no datES!!! Ok, actually its my fault cox im lazy to go out...but its kinda diff to arrange for outings and such right??? I've been looking for jobs but as we know, Luck isn't so much on me when comes to this...but I do miss the days of working coz there's money to be earn!!!

省钱不可耻，伸手要钱才可耻。

Tts a philosophy which I learn from Rainie Yang. Good Philosophy. I have great plans for myself now, but first I need a job to fulfil these plans.

Since my life is so boring, I surf webs, and I came across many cakes and dessert blogs tt makes me drool! Ricky L. when r u gonna bring me to eat?!?But Im eating only half, u got to polish the other one and a half cakes off! hah!

Another blog tt I surf was Mary Bukoh's blog...which I found some of the entries tt simply touching and capable of making pple heartache as one reads on...

hmmm, with spare time tt I enjoyed now, I get to finish the Kite Runner tt was bought long ago...Simply touching and riveting.

The next one on the go would be The five pple u meet in heaven. And I am sure tt is gonna bring another twirl of emotions in me.

Im snapping...insecurity engulfed me.I'll conquer.

I don't care about other things anymore, for I am determined this time. Nth can wavered my decisions this time. I'm foolish, childish, I'm awake. I don't mean other things, don't think otherwise.

Norah Jones's songs are good for soothing...
Suddenly, I missed my plums, comforting plums...

I am happy today because I ....got 2 drawings!!!

I wish there is something I can do for him, so tt he won't be the only one trying so hard...
I wish there is something I can do, so tt I can share his burden & everything...
I've been trying hard to imagine the things he had to go through, and I absolutely understand his feelings...but,
What exactly is the something tt I can do then?